Schools Still Struggle to Get It Right
If only everyone realized they were not at cross-purposes...
Every month, the SCA at my child’s elementary school sends out a file attachment containing the latest “calendar-at-a-glance.”
This past month, the calendar contained entries for “puberty talk - girls” and “puberty talk - boys.”
And that was it. There was no further information on which grade levels would be receiving these puberty talks, how long they would be, or what they would entail.
I later learned these puberty talks were for the fourth graders, and that they would be a half hour long short.
This information was gathered by a parent who had the wherewithal to call the school her own damn self. After all, this was the first time parents had been informed these lessons were even happening, let alone what form they would take.
And sure, one could scroll through all 52 pages of the Health Education Curriculum on the school district’s website in order to find their child’s grade level and, then, puzzle out what their child was slated to learn throughout the year (I found a brief mention of puberty on page 45.
But most parents don’t even realize the full curriculum is available to them, or where they might find it. Which means they might be forgiven for thinking their schools are being uncommunicative and/or shifty.
BECAUSE THEY ARE.
Taking a breath... I was just chatting with sexual health educator and general smart person Saleema Noon about this, and she pointed out that many classroom educators don’t have the bandwidth to take these extra steps. Many in-school staff educators these days are barely hanging on by a thread, and they don’t have the time or the wherewithal to send out extra letters or resources to parents. In fact, it might not even occur to them to do so. After all, sexuality education is just another part of the curriculum, like math or science or study skills.
(I should point out here that Saleema is very wise and also has a better grasp on her emotions than I do.)
But touching base with parents—even in the smallest of ways—can make all the difference in the world, especially with a topic as sensitive as sex. Parents and other caregivers want to know what their kids are learning, and they want to feel they’re part of the process.
Some schools are doing it right. At those schools, parents learn directly from their child’s health educator (often on back-to-school night) what they’ll be learning throughout the year, and when.
Or parents whose children are in a specific grade level receive a heads up when their child is about to attend a sex ed assembly or receive a sex ed lesson…a heads up that includes the basics of what will be covered, in addition to outside resources parents can use to familiarize themselves with the topic at hand, or to reinforce those lessons at home with their children.
I only wish more schools (::coughcough:: my child’s school) were doing these things.
Luckily, there are a ton of educators who work directly with parents, giving them a glimpse of what their children are learning, and equipping caregivers with the tools they need to continue those lessons at home. I’ll be sharing info on some of those educators in the resource section below.
In the meantime, I’m going to advocate like hell in my own district in the hopes that communication between schools and parents improves. At least a little bit.
Because as far as parents know at this point, our kids’ puberty education might as well just look like this:
(Actually this is amazing. 👀)
My Favorite Sex Ed Resources
As mentioned above, there are some fantastic educators out there working directly with caregivers to ensure they’re an integral part of their kid’s sex education:
One of these is the aforementioned Saleema Noon who, with her team of educators, regularly gives parent workshops. She also offers an online platform caregivers can use to continue the learning at home, at their own pace.
Lauren Barineau of Talk More offers family and caregiver workshops, and also has tons of freebie resources on her site.
Justine Ang Fonte, another of my favorite sexuality educators, is available for parent presentations.
Twanna A. Hines (a fellow sex writer from back in the day) offers sessions on how to talk to your kids about sex, geared specifically toward various grade levels.
Melissa Pintor Carnagey of Sex Positive Families is one of the original businesses geared toward family education, and they’re amazing. Check out their site for live and self-paced workshops and other resources.
Kara Haug of Reframing Our Stories provides Parents’ Nights and other services, and has done a lot of work with faith communities in particular.
Amy Lang of Birds & Bees & Kids has also been doing this work for a good, long while. She offers a variety of sex ed workshops for parents, and also has a number of videos to which you can purchase lifetime access.
I could go on, but you could also check out the resources at Guerrilla Sex Ed, and also search the directory at the Sex Education Alliance website.
Other resources I’m digging these days:
Pride and Less Prejudice has a program that allows folks to provide LGBTQ-inclusive books to Pre-K through 3rd grade classrooms to help students and teachers “Read out loud, read out proud!”
Kathleen Hema is my new favorite Instagram educator, who happens to provide sex ed advice for parents on the regular. Two recent reels I loved are this one on the talks we hope other parents are having with their kids and this one on how to initiate the masturbation talk.
Rules around age appropriateness aren’t always hard and fast; it’s good to take cues from your kiddo around what they’re ready to learn about. But Lifehacker has this pretty handy-dandy age-by-age guide to talking to your kids about sex.
Meanwhile…
I appeared on the Sex Ed Book Review, where I talked about my book and why caregivers might want to give it a read.
And for educators who want to hear me talk about cultivating sex-positive parents—transforming the parent/educator relationship from adversarial to collaborative—I’m doing a talk for the Sex Ed Lecture Series on August 16.