When I began writing about sexuality education eight years ago, there was so much I didn’t know. The bifurcated state of sex ed across the United States. The disparities from one school district to another. The ins and outs of educational funding, which often favors abstinence-focused education over comprehensive sex ed.
At the time, I was working for AASECT, a membership-based organization for sexuality professionals, and the job was a crash course on the topic of sex ed. Soon after taking the job, I also learned I was pregnant with my daughter. As I spoke to more and more educators, it became clear to me that greater access to comprehensive sex ed was essential to my daughter’s future health and well-being.
Which brings me to now. Over the past eight years, I’ve written about sex ed for everyone from the Atlantic to the Washington Post to VICE to Creative Nonfiction. The number of sex ed books I’ve amassed for my 7-year-old rivals the size of her graphic novel collection. My home office is filled with watercolor vulvas, embroidered pubic hair, and a 3D model of the clitoris.
And then there’s Guerrilla Sex Ed, the site I created for parents and other caregivers who are looking for alternative sources of sex education.
It’s a surprise to me, too. For the longest time, I thought my next big project would be a second book. But in speaking to readers about A Dirty Word, I came to realize that what lit me up was helping others access information about their sexuality. And helping other parents share that information with their kids.
This is not an easy field to be in. Sexuality education was born out of a moral panic and has always been beset by scandal and contention. Things are no different today.
Just this past May, health educator Justine Ang Fonte was targeted with extreme vitriol when parents complained about sessions she taught on porn literacy and consent. After being subject to violent threats and doxxing, she resigned from her job. (An interview with Fonte will be up on the Guerrilla Sex Ed site later this September!)
Also in May, children’s book author Robie H. Harris released an updated edition of her classic It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health. The new edition contains more inclusive language, in addition to more information about gender and sexuality, abortion rights and challenges, the necessity of consent, and more. While the title has long been challenged by conservative groups, its re-release has led to a new wave of attacks from politicians, religiously aligned parent groups, and other individuals.
The book, meanwhile, aligns with the National Sex Education Standards. That and it’s awesome. Seriously. It’s a fantastic, comprehensive resource for young folks on everything from conception to puberty to birth control.
It’s a shame that resources like this — and educators like Justine — receive such push-back in the face of the important work they’re doing.
In light of stories like these, it probably comes as no surprise when I tell you that it’s hard to ensure your kids get the education they need and deserve in school. Sure, you can advocate for better sex ed within your school district. But it’s no guarantee you’ll end up with a curriculum that reflects your values, or that contains all of the information your kids need to lead sexually healthy and fulfilling lives.
Which is where parents come in.
I know. You’re afraid that if you bring up the sexy-sex in casual conversation, the awkwardness levels will be off the charts.
But we’re our kids’ first sex educators, whether we like it or not, and they absorb our values around sex, whether we talk to them about it or not.
If the thought of talking sex with the kiddos makes you want to disappear in a puff of smoke and flop sweat, I’m here for you. Going forward, I’ll be sending this email out on a monthly basis, sharing news, resources, stories, and hot tips. In fact, I want to start right now by sharing this list of 10 Sex Ed Books that have proven essential to me as I raise my own child.
Beyond that — and beyond the searchable directory of resources that already exists at Guerrilla Sex Ed — I’m developing additional tools you can use so you feel better equipped to have these conversations. Tools like:
an email-based course that includes discussion templates for a variety of topics;
regular Sex Ed Happy Hours for parents and other caregivers that will allow you to build your confidence when it comes to those sex talks;
and even Sex Ed and Stretch workshops that incorporate yoga as a means of building body comfort and awareness.
So stay tuned for all of that.
If you’ve made it this far, bless you. I appreciate it. Here are some links and other resources to carry you on home. - Steph 😘
Full Disclosure: Sex Ed in the News
LGBTQ+ students and recent alumni of Christian universities are filing a lawsuit with the Department of Education that contains allegations of discrimination.
This article by Carrie Melago lays out why “the sex talk” should actually be an ongoing series of conversations between you and your kid.
Meanwhile, Melinda Wenner Moyer writes of how these talks should start sooner than you think. Cosign!
Media site Refinery29 has launched a Sex Re-Education series in order to provide young adults with answers to their sexual health-related questions. As part of this new initiative, Molly Longman points out that sex ed in schools is flawed… but that it’s worth fixing.
Elsewhere on the site, Hafsa Lodi spotlights the sex educators who are helping Muslim women reclaim their sexuality. Among them is Sameera Qureshi, with whom I once took an amazing workshop on cultural competency. Go Sameera!
Over at Allure, Varuna Srinivasan writes of the dangerous rise of sexual health myths on social media from self-purported experts.
Finally, I’d like to bring your attention to a Kickstarter campaign from educator Deborah Roffman, who wrote one of the titles on my list of essential sex ed books. The campaign is for a board book called The Science of Babies, and it gives kids the lowdown on bodies, birth, families, and more. I’m a fan of Roffman, so I have no doubt that this latest project of hers will be incredible.
This Month’s Sex Educator Spotlight
Over at the Guerrilla Sex Ed blog, I share an interview with Lori Reichel, Ph.D. Click through for her interesting path to sex ed, the lowdown on her podcast, and her drive to continue creating new resources.
My Favorite New Sex Ed Resource
I read a lot of books about sex. A LOT. It’s a topic I’m passionate about. But as I tell curious folks who make a ton of misguided assumptions when they hear what I do for a living, even sex gets boring. But I was blown away when I read Pussypedia by Zoe Mendelson and Maria Conejo, a perfect gift for your college-bound kid or even your best bud. You can find the GSE listing here, and read my love letter to the book over at the Feminist Book Club blog.