Your Kids' Genitals Are Not Mythical Creatures
So why do we treat them like incomprehensible mysteries that can't be fully addressed until adulthood?
Y’all. Parenthood is such A Journey™.
This past holiday season, my child asked Santa for a unicorn. Like, a real live unicorn that would live in our backyard. Because clearly, my child is setting me up for failure.
As a compromise, I found a farm within an hour of us that offered “unicorn” rides. I designed a big, colorful ticket that granted the recipient a unicorn ride and I popped it in her stocking. She thought it was pretty cool.
Then three long months passed, during which I completely forgot about the unicorn.
Until the other day when, out of the blue, my child asked if she could finally redeem her ticket.
I sat down at my computer to figure out how to book a unicorn ride. Upon pulling up the farm’s website, however, I saw that the offer of unicorn rides had completely disappeared.
FML.
It was at this point that I began to panic. I then began to question why in hell we all continue to corroborate the mythology around Santa, and around unicorns. Why the hell do we ninja our way into bedrooms under cover of night to slip Tooth Fairy money beneath pillows? Who the frak started this thing where we have to set traps for flipping leprechauns!?
It’s the magic of childhood! people (my husband) shriek at me. It’s about childhood innocence!
And OK. Fine. I do want to cultivate that sense of magic for my child. Even if it means lying about a random assortment of mythical creatures. Even if it means living with the unbearable knowledge that someday, somehow, my child will discover the truth. I love magic and imagination and possibility and all that. So, yeah. Sure. Fair.
Meanwhile, some folks are using the same damn argument to justify not telling kids about their genitals, or about various gender and sexual identities, or about consent. It’s the magic of childhood! people (conservatives) shriek at me. It’s about childhood innocence!
The thing is, genitals are not mythical creatures. They’re a very real part of our bodies, just like our elbows and our nostrils, and knowing their proper names and some basic information about them is useful for a number of reasons, including healthcare and safety. No matter how much fun it is to say hoo-ha.
Similarly, queer folks, whether gay or bisexual or transgender or gender nonconforming or something else entirely, are also real. We can’t close our eyes and cover our ears and lalala them out of existence. Nor should we want to. We should want our kids to learn love and respect and empathy for all people and, if they themselves are questioning their gender or sexual identity, we should want them to have access to information about people whose experiences mirror their own.
I could go on because, I swear to you, everything offered in comprehensive sexuality education curricula is there for a very good reason.
Keeping our kids in the dark does not keep them innocent. It just leaves them unprepared for the realities of life as a human being who lives in relation to other human beings.
I’ve been doing some writing lately about the lie of the “parental rights” movement, an argument that’s being used to restrict access to comprehensive sex ed. Hopefully, you’ll get to see some of that next month.
In the meantime, I just want you know: Your kids’ genitals are not mythical creatures. They’re not mysterious or elusive, like unicorns, or terrifying and dangerous like, say, the gorgon (one of my favorite mythical creatures, tbh).
Your kids’ genitals are just their genitals. As simple and irrefutable as that.
My Favorite New Sex Ed Resources
SIECUS released their State of Sex Education Legislative Look-Ahead, which gives a glimpse of the bills that have been introduced that would have an impact of sex education across the United States.
EducateUS put together a toolkit for those who want to start a Facebook affinity group (a group that allows you to foster a community of like-minded folks and mobilize in support of sex ed).
This series of books—the We Say What’s Okay series—teaches kids the social and emotional skills necessary to understand the complexities of consent.
I am so incredibly disgusted by the wave of anti-trans legislation that has been ramping up across the country. If you feel the same, you might dig Queer Youth Assemble, a queer youth-led nonprofit serving queer youth under 25 in the United States.